


come and kiss me by the riverside

by bannanachan



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9339533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bannanachan/pseuds/bannanachan
Summary: One thing Naoto was pretty certain of was what Kanji liked.





	

Naoto Shirogane was glad to have friends. It was new, and at first, had made them feel nervous. Not for any reason they could articulate. Maybe just because it was such a massive change. But with the passage of time, their nerves were dissipating, to be replaced by a contentment they were grateful to have discovered. They were glad to have friends. But spending time with their friends, outside of solving the case, was a science they had yet to fully master. Turning offers down, they had quickly discovered, was considered rude, unless you had something better to do. And they were running out of better things to do.

Which is how they ended up on a “girls’ day out” shopping one Sunday with Yukiko and Rise. Chie, apparently, had something better to do.

It wasn’t that they disliked Yukiko or Rise. Or disliked being involved in a girls’ day out. The label still didn’t fit as well as they wanted it to, sure, but they welcomed the opportunity to explore this long denied territory. Being on a girls’ day out felt better than pitching their voice down and worrying that they were too short to pass. And some of the clothes their friends suggested were actually kind of cute, even if they wouldn’t be switching from the boys’ school uniform any time soon. What bothered them was more the topic of conversation. The same topic that came up in at least a third of the conversations they had with their new female friends.

They were talking about boys.

“I mean, for sure, Souji-senpai’s dreamy.” Rise chattered, her hands rifling through garments on hangers with impressive speed. “If I have the chance, I’m gonna take it. But he’s got options. Sure I used to be an idol, but he’s such a nice guy, that doesn’t even matter. Like I’m not giving up, but I’m not gonna put all my eggs in one basket either.”

“Isn’t that a little too much?” Asks Yukiko, who is contemplating each article of clothing with significantly more attention. “I wouldn’t want to treat the guy I like that way – it’s not like you have to have a boyfriend anyway, right? It seems kind of dishonest. No offense.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m just gonna pick some random guy if I can’t have Senpai. That’s playing with wayyyyyy too much fire, but the other guys at school, some of them are really nice! I would like to get to know them. I know I don’t need a boyfriend, but I want to experience my youth. I mean, I wouldn’t want it to interrupt the case, but it doesn’t have to!” She stops and begins to giggle. “Heck, there’s always Yosuke or Kanji, right?”

Something about this comment makes Yukiko start laughing too – hard, the way that she does when she can’t stop, the way Chie chastises her for. Naoto looks up from the clothing they have been focusing on a little too hard and frowns. “What’s so funny?”

“Huh?” Asks Rise, in a tone that makes Naoto wonder if she remembered they were there. “Oh, we just mean – well, Yosuke’s nice and all, but come on, would you really want to date him?”

“No, I agree.” Naoto says quickly. “But you said Kanji’s name too.”

Rise raises her eyebrows, and Yukiko abruptly stops laughing. “Wait, Naoto – do you _like_ Kanji?”

“What? No. But why wouldn’t you want to date him? Is it – is he unattractive?”

Rise frowns. “Well, sort of, but that’s not really the problem. It’s just – I mean, Kanji doesn’t really swing that way.”

They must still look confused, because Rise speaks very slowly when she says the next sentence. “He’s – Kanji’s _gay,_ Naoto. He wants to date boys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! He’s a really nice guy and what he does with his personal life is his business, I’m really not a judgmental person, there’s a lot of folks in show biz who are like that, so I know what I’m talking about –”

Naoto has started tuning her out by the second sentence, their mind too busy racing to catch up with this new information. Kanji was gay? That didn’t make any sense. Not that there was anything wrong with that – they were pretty open minded themselves – but it just couldn’t be correct. Because one thing Naoto was pretty certain about was what Kanji liked.

Kanji liked _them._

It was pretty obvious. Their detective work was usually more grim and less hormonal, but any skilled investigator could see the signs of infatuation when they were that obvious. Kanji liked them – Kanji had liked them, come to think of it, when Kanji had thought they were a boy. But Kanji definitely still liked them now, and Kanji knew they were a girl, he’d seen the whole thing, every humiliating second of it. He’d spoken up in their defense. They think he did. They don’t remember that part very well. What they do remember is his concern for them, his anger with them for using themselves as bait. It was evident from the start that Kanji liked them. But they weren’t a boy any more.

So what _did_ Kanji like?

***

Naoto decides to experiment. They are, after all, a scientist above all else.

They find Kanji in the practice building after school the next afternoon to make their move.

“Kanji?”

He jumps. He’s red faced immediately, and he holds up a hand behind his head bashfully. “Oh, h-hey, Naoto. What’s up?”

They keep their expression neutral. “I was wondering if you could assist me with something. I heard from Souji-senpai that you were skilled in textile arts?”

He avoids their eyes but responds anyway. “I – yeah, actually, I can sew. If that’s what you mean. Did you need something made?”

“Repaired, actually. My winter coat – it seems I’ve torn it. I would simply buy a replacement if I could, but it was made custom. Would that be within your abilities?”

“Well, uh, I’ll have to take a look, but I’m pretty sure I could fix that up. Is it on the seam?”

“What?”

“Never mind. What color is it? Can you bring it to school tomorrow?”

“Blue. And yes.”

“Oh, right. Duh.” He laughs. “Okay. Tomorrow.”

Naoto nods, and Kanji fidgets, ruffling his hair again. “Was there, uh, anything else?”

They realize that they’re still standing there after the conversation has ended with a start, and shake their head. “No, that’s it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kanji.”

They walk away as quickly as possible. To their surprise, there is heat in their cheeks. They can only hope that Kanji is as bad at this kind of detective work as he is at their other case.

***

They bring the coat to Kanji at lunch the next day.

“Oh, yeah, this should be easy.” He says. “I could probably do it in the next hour. But I’m pretty sure I’ve got a blue thread that’ll match better back home: can you go without it for another day?”

“I’m in no rush.”

The next day, they find him on the way in to school, at the lockers.

“Huh? Oh, right, the coat!” He smacks himself in the head, tripping forward in the process. “God, sorry, Naoto, I totally forgot. I mean, I did it, I just didn’t bring it. I – can I maybe bring it to your apartment after school? Or no, you don’t want me to come to your apartment, that’d… how about you walk home with me? If you’re not busy, I mean – I can bring it tomorrow too.”

“No, that sounds fine.” Naoto says. “I’ve got nothing else to do. Sure. We can leave together from class.”

“Cool, yeah.” He says. “Sorry, Naoto. Feel like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot. Don’t worry about it.” They insist.

To which he says nothing. But he does blush again.

The last time Naoto had been to Kanji’s house, they had been investigating him for the case, before they left the task force. It’s a little awkward going there now, as his friend, recalling the memory. They’d been so formal. He’d been so nervous, so angry for no reason, and his mother had chastised him. She’s not there today, and they enter the house without incident, stopping to remove their shoes at the juncture between the storefront and the home.

“Do you – want anything?” Kanji asks. “Ma’s not home, and all I can make is tea, but I think I’ve got some snacks in the cupboard.”

“Just the coat should be fine.” Naoto replies, smirking.

“Oh, right. Okay, yeah. Just follow me.”

They walk up a flight of stairs, passing by an altar on the landing where Kanji stops to light some sticks of incense, before arriving at the door. Kanji’s room is small and untidy, clothes, books, toys, and dirty dishes strewn across every available surface.

Kanji surveys the room from the doorway with a wince. “Uh, just… wait right here, okay? I’ll grab it for you.” With practiced precision, he steps into the mess, navigating slowly around objects and tossing them aside as needed on his way towards the closet.

Naoto stands patiently in the doorway, curiously looking over the room’s contents. The toys are what interests them. Precisely crafted animal dolls outfitted in intricate clothing, even fitted, occasionally, with accessories attached to paws or heads. Their gaze stops on a steel blue cat wearing a dark blue coat, checkered pants, and white scarf. It’s lying on his desk next to a spool of thread and what looks to be a half-finished cap atop a sheet of patent leather with tiny shapes cut out of it.

Interest piqued, Naoto makes their way carefully over to the desk and picks the cat up. It has a tiny cat smile, and, this close, a badge pinned to its front. They look closer to read the text: _“No. 1 detective prince”_

“Found it.”

Naoto looks up. Kanji is holding their coat. He looks down to Naoto’s hands and nearly drops it, his face turning a bright tomato red.

“Is this me?” Naoto asks.

Kanji’s mouth flaps open and closed. He fidgets his feet, his hands held awkwardly forward with the proffered coat. “That. That, uh – that’s just…” Then he stops, and sighs, head hanging forward in defeat. “Yeah. That’s you.”

Naoto holds the cat up again, examining its whiskers in the light. “It’s… cute.”

“I was gonna tell you!” Kanji says, quick and defensive. “I wasn’t… I just hadn’t finished it yet. It was supposed to be a birthday gift, but I don’t – I guess I don’t know when your birthday is, so I wanted to ask you that, but I forgot, so then I thought maybe I’d give it to you for a different holiday but –”

“Are you gay?”

The question slips out so quickly, it takes both of them a second to realize it’s been said. It isn’t what Naoto wanted to do, how they wanted to ask. It isn’t an experiment, like that. It’s a corner that they’ve backed him into, it’s an awkward situation, it’s not how they wanted to do this. They are about to tell him that he doesn’t have to answer when he does.

“Yeah.”

They look up. Kanji isn’t red any more. He’s pale, instead, and he chuckles nervously. “Sorry, was that too fast? I just – I gotta get used to saying it, I think. When I can’t say it – it just makes it bigger. And we both know that ain’t good. But I hope – I mean – don’t think of me any differently, okay? I understand if you’re not – if you can’t – but I really respect you, Naoto. I just can’t lie about that shit any more.”

“No.” Naoto responds. “It’s… that’s fine. I don’t care. Thanks for telling me.”

“Yeah.” He says.

Both of them look at their feet as the seconds tick by. Kanji clears his throat. “So, uh. Did you want any tea?”

“I’ll just… take the coat.” Naoto repeats.

“Right.”

Naoto takes the coat, and just barely, makes it out of Kanji’s house before the tears start forming in their eyes.

***

“Talk to him.”

Naoto looks up from their desk at lunch. Souji-senpai is standing there, arms crossed, their classmates gaze attached like glue to the upperclassman.

“Talk to whom?”

“Talk to Kanji.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Souji frowns. “Would you rather do this in private? We can walk to the riverbank together later, if so. And we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Naoto wonders if Souji knows that he is impossible to say no to when he’s being so nice. In the past, Naoto might have wondered if that was why he was so nice all the time. By now, however, they have gotten the picture that Souji may simply be a saint.

They sigh. “The riverbank would be preferable, yes.”

They walk there with Souji after school. There are few things more relaxing than a stroll by the riverbank with their friend, they have found. But they don’t feel too relaxed today.

Souji breaks the silence. “You’ve been avoiding him for the last week. He’s been avoiding you, too. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Nothing. I went over to his house.” Naoto says. “We talked.”

“You fought.”

“No!” They correct hastily. “We just… we just talked.”

“Okay. If that’s all you can tell me, I understand.”

Naoto blushes. They do want to say more, but they don’t know what they can say. After a few more paces, an idea strikes them. “What was his Shadow like?”

Souji frowns, not breaking stride. “That’s a really personal question. Didn’t you see it, anyway?”

“On the channel. Not in person. It’s - people _talk,_ Senpai. Our classmates. Even now.”

He shrugs. “Well, I didn’t see the channel. But I think it was pretty much the same in person. Kanji had a pretty rough time, you know. A lot of people judged him for being what he was… for being male wrong. Like they did to you. I think maybe that’s part of why you two get along so well.”

“Do we?” Naoto asks.

Souji nods. They walk in silence until they reach the shore, stopping to look out on the river.

“I like him.” Naoto admits. “I _really_ like him, Senpai.”

“He likes you, too.” Souji says.

“Are you sure?”

“Isn’t it obvious? You’ve seen how he acts around you.”

“Of course I have. But I’m a girl. And he’s gay. He told me so himself.”

“Does that matter?”

“Yes! Certainly I don’t personally care. He’s my friend. I would never expect him to be something he’s not. However, that’s essentially the issue. It’s not fair of me to like him that way. He can’t reciprocate those feelings – I can’t expect him to. If I did… I would be just like everybody else.”

“That’s very considerate of you.” Souji says, and pauses. “But he definitely likes you. And you like him. If you both really like each other, I don’t see why it matters what either of you are.” He sighs. “Naoto, both of you should do whatever you want. But don’t let it get in the way of what you already had. You get along well. We get along well. I don’t want you to lose that. Tell him that from me, when you talk. And promise me you will. Promise me you’ll talk.”

Naoto nods. “Okay. I promise. We’ll talk.”

“Thank you.”

“I believe it is I who should thank you.”

Souji laughs. “You always say that.”

***

Souji is right. Kanji has been avoiding them. So much so that it proves exceptionally difficult to catch up with him long enough to ask him to talk.

They manage to catch him on the way out of school. They waited by the lockers, slightly out of sight, until they saw him leave, then ran to catch up once he was outside.

“Kanji!”

He turned at the sound of his name, then seeing who it was, turned back. Determined, Naoto strode forward until they were just behind him, nearly keeping pace. “Hello? Kanji?”

Kanji turned again, feigning surprise. “Oh, Naoto. Sorry, I didn’t hear you there. What’s up?”

Naoto decides to get straight to the point. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out somewhere. Or – we could go back to your house. Or to mine.”

He gives them a long, blank look. “For what?”

“Just to talk.” They pause. “Please.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, that’s… that’s okay. We can come back to my place.” Kanji says. “If that works.”

“Sure.”

“Sure.”

The rest of the walk to the shopping district is spent in awkward, but peaceable silence. Kanji’s mother is manning the storefront, and she greets Naoto so kindly that Naoto and Kanji are both blushing. Eventually, they make their way back up to Kanji’s room. They stand in silence as Kanji clears off enough surfaces to sit down on. He gestures to a chair and they sit. Kanji remains standing, halfheartedly tidying the room for several more minutes until he finally straightens and turns. “Was there, uh… what did you wanna talk about?”

Naoto hesitates a second before speaking. “I suppose I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“The last time we spoke.” They bite their lip. “I asked you a very rude question. And I wanted to apologize for that. Your – who you’re interested in has no bearing on my feelings towards you, or my opinion of you. You are a dear friend who I hold only in the highest regard. I feel that in my rudeness, I made that unclear. I hope you can forgive me for that.”

“Oh!” He says. “Well… yeah. No problem. I mean, you’re forgiven, I guess. I wasn’t really mad about it, so.”

“Okay.” Naoto nods. “I’m glad.”

They are silent for a few moments more before Kanji speaks again. “Was… was that all?”

They hesitate. The conversation so far has removed some of the tension from the room, and Kanji seems satisfied. If they ended the conversation now, things would go back to normal, with no hard feelings. It would be easy enough to do. But they had made a promise.

“Souji-senpai asked me to tell you something.”

“Yeah?”

“He said… he asked me to tell you that we should do whatever we want, but we shouldn’t let it get in the way of our relationship as friends.”

“H-huh?” Kanji stammered. “Wh… what do you think he meant by that?” He has turned pink, and Naoto notices, without surprise, that they have too.

“I… told him something.”

“What?”

“I told him that I liked you.”

Kanji stares at them completely blankly for several moments. “You mean like… you _like_ me?” He asks.

Naoto nods. “I – I’m sorry. I didn’t know if I should tell you. But he seemed to think… that it was a good idea. I don’t expect anything in return. I swear. If you don’t, or if you can’t… I know that you might not feel the same. I’m not a boy, so – I won’t ask you to be someone you’re not.” The thought feels incomplete as it comes out of their mouth. But they don’t know what more to say.

He nods, still open mouthed. “Oh. Well. Thank you.”

“Would it matter if I wasn’t a girl?”

Kanji frowns. “Huh?”

Naoto’s jaw has dropped too. They don’t remember when. They don’t remember deciding to keep talking. They don’t remember deciding what they’re saying is the truth. But as they speak, they know it is. “I’m not a girl. I don’t think so, anyway. I know that I’m not a boy, and you – you helped me with that, to know that was okay, but I also know that I’m not a girl either. And I don’t know if that’s as okay. And I don’t know if that changes how you feel, I don’t want you – I just want –”

“Oh, hell.” Kanji says, and before they know what’s happening they’re on their feet, tiny form wrapped up in muscled limbs, his head resting over their shoulder, their head nestled into his chest. The tears they were holding back vanish and they flush, overwhelmed with emotions that they can’t put into words.

He releases them and then holds them at arms length, hands quivering – whole body quivering, so he looks like he might fall over and take them both down. “Of course it’s okay. It’s just as okay. Hell, Naoto, of course I like you. I liked you when I thought you were a boy, and I liked you when I thought you were a girl, and if you’re something else, then I like that too. Maybe I don’t know what the hell I like, okay? Maybe I just like the hell out of you.”

He sits abruptly down at his desk chair, like he’s physically exhausted himself. Not knowing what else to do, they sit down on the floor across from his chair, facing him.

Kanji speaks again, his eyes glued to the floor, his ears still burning red. “If you don’t care – I don’t care. I don’t care what the hell we are. If we’re friends, I don’t care what we are. But I might care a little bit about us being something else too. If you… if you really wanna be.”

A long moment passes before Naoto finds their voice again. “Okay.”

Kanji looks up from the floor. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” Naoto says, and nods. “Yes. I think – I would like that as well.”

“Cool.” Kanji says, and even though his face is still red, he suddenly smiles. It’s an open, joyful smile, like the fog clearing away in the afternoon sun. “That’s good. Let’s do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Persona 4 and this ship cleared my skin, cured my writers block, and blessed my crops
> 
> My beta readers [Ota](otomatonom.tumblr.com) and [blooper-boy](blooper-boy.tumblr.com) said I actually wrote fluff this time, and I'm very proud of myself for that.
> 
> Title is from "Fell in Love with a Girl" by the White Stripes.


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